The Bible For Children

I bought the book  The Bible For Children: From the Age of Gutenberg to the Present by Ruth Bottingheimer (1996 Yale U. Press) “used” on Amazon and it was a bit dry and historical, but it told me what I wanted to hear.  That “Children’s Bibles” became popular in the 1800’s, and they drastically edited the various Bible stories to suit the readers’ needs.  “Revisions undeniably aided nineteenth century mothers and governesses who felt incompetent to deal with the Bible’s unaltered text: its manifest improprieties forced them to resort to ‘constant artifice and evasion to divert the attention of inquisitive children from [unfit] subjects’. The Abraham and Isaac story is one of the only potential violent parental/child instances ever detailed; yet that one story is one of the most effective at scaring children into “becoming religious”.  If you piss God off, he’s not going to be so lenient next time.

In another instance, “…the full, and illustrated story of Lot and his daughters has  been so thoroughly suppressed in the twentieth century, that contemporary adults routinely respond to its telling with incredulous consternation.”

The author of the current satirical set of books entitled,  Awkward Moments Children’s Bible contains cartoon illustrations of some of the most violent and innappropriate verses in the Bible.  The author goes by the pseudonym “Horus Gilgamesh” because of the constant death threats he receives.  And all he’s doing is quoting the Bible!

I recall when my oldest child was in pre-school at a local Lutheran church, they held a book fair, and he went through the line and simply picked up whatever book the kid in front of him chose.  I flipped through it and was aghast at the implications therein: “If I die today, I won’t worry because I’ll be with Jesus”.  To my paranoid parental mind, it invited a young child to dash into a busy street. I said as much to the parent standing next to me, and she said, “no, this is when you want to reach them, when they’re young.”  And I thought, that’s interesting.  She was talking about brainwashing.

Children’s Bibles tend to tell basically only the creation story, the flood story, the above mentioned Abraham and Isaac story, Moses in the rushes, Daniel in the lions’ den, Jonah and the whale/big fish, David and Goliath, and the Jesus stories.  As much as kids question “why?” when they’re four, for some reason kids don’t question who Cain’s wife was.  Or why God didn’t create Jesus from the get-go, if Christianity is the one true religion.  Or why  their friend goes to Synagogue and not the Baptist Church like they do?

I’m totally going to write a Children’s Bible for Skeptics.

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Moonshine

Genesis 1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day; and the lesser light to rule the night

Job 25:5 He will give no light to the moon

Psalm 104:19 He made the moon to show us when the festivals begin.

Isaiah 13:10 The moon shall not cause her light to shine

Isaiah 30:25 The Moon shall be as bright as the sun

Ezekiel 32:7 The moon shall not give her light

Joel 2:10 Sun and moon shall be dark

Matthew 24:29 Moon shall not give her light

Mark 13:24 The Moon shall not give her light

Revelations 8:12 The third part of teh moon was darkened and could not shine.  A third of the day and a third of the night was without light.

Revelations 21:23 No need for the sun or moon to give light.

 

That’s not in the Bible!

When you Google “that’s not in the Bible”, you get silly things such as:

  1. “God helps those who help themselves”
  2. “Spare the rod, spoil the child”
  3.  It was specifically an apple that Eve ate in the Garden of Eden
  4.  It was the devil/Satan that tempted Eve
  5. “God works in mysterious ways”
  6. “cleanliness is next to Godliness”
  7. three wise men visited baby Jesus

But … what’s actually not in the Bible?

  • planets
  • God=Jesus=Holy Ghost/Spirit (see 1 John 5:6-8 – some versions of the bible say these three are one; other versions say “these three are in agreement”.
  •  You go to heaven when you die (see previous blog posts)
  • You see your dead relatives in heaven (see above)
  • Adam dies the day he eats the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (as God stated in Gen 2:17 – every interpretation and tranlation agrees on this wording)

Genesis 5:3 When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth.

Genesis 5:4 After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters.

Genesis 5:5 Altogether, Adam lived a total of 930 years, and then he died.

  • “I am saying nothing beyond what the prophets and Moses said would happen— that the Messiah would suffer and, as the first to rise from the dead, would bring the message of light to his own people and to the Gentiles.”

John 11:43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!”

(The term “Messiah” only occurs in the New Testament. 

  • Jesus saying “It is more blessed to give than to receive”: blessed
  • John 19:33-36New International Version (NIV)
    33 But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs. 34 Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water. 35 The man who saw it has given testimony, and his testimony is true. He knows that he tells the truth, and he testifies so that you also may believe. 36 These things happened so that the scripture would be fulfilled: “Not one of his bones will be broken,”[a]

4 instances of “broken bones” in the Bible:

(1) Psalm 34:19-21New International Version (NIV)

19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
(2) Jeremiah 23:9 [ Lying Prophets ] Concerning the prophets: My heart is broken within me; all my bones tremble. I am like a drunken man, like a strong man overcome by wine, because of the Lord and his holy words.

(3) Lamentations 3:4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old and has broken my bones.

(4) John 19:36 These things happened so that the scripture would be fulfilled: “Not one of his bones will be broken,”

  • John 7:38New International Version (NIV)
    38 Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”[a]

Bible results for “rivers of living water.” Showing results 1-1.

  • John 5:46New International Version (NIV)
    46 If you believed Moses, you would believe me, for he wrote about me.
  • Luke 24:44-46New International Version (NIV)
    44 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”
    45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. 46 He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day,

This is very interesting.  When I plugged “third day” into Biblegateway.com, I got over 45 hits.  The number three seems to be extremely significant to the Bible, and when you think about it (trinity, three “wise men” etc. it’s true.  Considering the fact that Jesus was crucified on “Good Friday” and rose on Easter Sunday (arguably 2 days later) this “rise from the dead on the third day”  falls more into the pattern of the magical number three than anything else.

  • Matthew 12:1-5New International Version (NIV)
    Jesus Is Lord of the Sabbath
    At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry and began to pick some heads of grain and eat them. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to him, “Look! Your disciples are doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath.”  He answered, “Haven’t you read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? He entered the house of God, and he and his companions ate the consecrated bread—which was not lawful for them to do, but only for the priests.  Or haven’t you read in the Law that the priests on Sabbath duty in the temple desecrate the Sabbath and yet are innocent?

Exodus 31:14 “‘Observe the Sabbath, because it is holy to you. Anyone who desecrates it is to be put to death; those who do any work on that day must be cut off from their people.

  • Matthew 2:23New International Version (NIV)  and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth. So was fulfilled what was said through the prophets, that he would be called a Nazarene.

4 Bible results for “Nazarene.” Showing results 1-4.

Bible search results
Matthew 2:23 and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth. So was fulfilled what was said through the prophets, that he would be called a Nazarene.
In Context | Full Chapter | Other Translations
Mark 14:67 When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him. “You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus,” she said.
In Context | Full Chapter | Other Translations
Mark 16:6 “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him.
In Context | Full Chapter | Other Translations
Acts 24:5 “We have found this man to be a troublemaker, stirring up riots among the Jews all over the world. He is a ringleader of the Nazarene sect
In Context | Full Chapter | Other Translations

  • Jeremiah 34:4-5New International Version (NIV)
    4 “‘Yet hear the Lord’s promise to you, Zedekiah king of Judah. This is what the Lord says concerning you: You will not die by the sword; 5 you will die peacefully.  

See: 2 Kings 25:7New International Version (NIV)
7 They killed the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes. Then they put out his eyes, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon.

and:

Jeremiah 39:6-9New International Version (NIV)
6 There at Riblah the king of Babylon slaughtered the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes and also killed all the nobles of Judah. 7 Then he put out Zedekiah’s eyes and bound him with bronze shackles to take him to Babylon.

and: Isaiah 52:10-11New International Version (NIV)
10 There at Riblah the king of Babylon killed the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes; he also killed all the officials of Judah. 11 Then he put out Zedekiah’s eyes, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon, where he put him in prison till the day of his death.

I suppose he died peacefully, but it was certainly violent before that!

 

 

 

 

Written account of everything Jesus did

John 21:25 “And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen”

And the very next sentence….

Acts 1:1 “The former treatise have I made, O Theophilus, of all that Jesus began both to do and teach 2. Until the day in which he was taken up…

Fact or Fiction?

Is the Bible 100% fact or fiction?  If you say part of it is fact, then why is any of it fact, if only part of it is fact.  Where does fact start and fiction begin?

If you say, yes, it is 100% fact, then why does the Bible call the moon a light (Gen 1:16), and say God created the sun on the fourth “day” (Gen 1:19).

In the NT, everybody’s favorite verse John 3:15 states, “That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.”  That has never happened (if it had, we’d still be on our first Pope and we have a huge overpopulation problem).  So that’s not a fact.  If you argue, well, you’re not supposed to take it literally,  then that sentence is not a fact.

I googled “is the Bible 100% fact” and found the usual instant result of gotquestions.org.  They simply refer back to the Bible to answer the question.  It’s like the commercial, “you can believe everything on the internet; the internet told me so”.  You have to reach outside of the Bible for other instances of proof, and of course that doesn’t exist.

I know I keep coming back to this theme but I think it’s important enough to reiterate from time to time.

 

Adam named all the animals

Genesis 2:19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and brougth them unto Adam to see what he would call them, and whasoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

2: 20 And Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field.

So my question is this:  Adam named the alligator and the crocodile as two different things, but assuming Adam did not name the “Cape May Warbler” or the “Nelson’s Sharp-Tailed Sparrow”, yet named all the birds “bird”, why would he say the Ostrich and the hummingbird were both “birds”?